(Be sure and read the previous blog on That 70's Show to understand what I'm talking about here)
Yesterday afternoon my wife sat down to check her emails – a fairly normal, routine activity. A couple messages regarding business, one from a committee she's a member of, one from a friend asking for advice, and some other random junk mail...
Currently, we share a desk and have the great pleasure of sitting next to each other while working on our computers. It makes instant messaging absolutely pointless, because we can see what the other is typing before they've even sent the message. And yes, we continue to IM anyway.
It's normal practice for Erin to speak her thoughts out loud, and she often caries a dialogue with herself as she works (or maybe she's talking to me). This was no different. She commented on the emails she received, noting that she wasn't sure how to respond to her friend's request for advice. Ironically enough, her friend was asking for boy advice. I continued working and noticed as she began responding to one of her business emails. A couple minutes go by as she continues the email, and suddenly Erin blurts out, "I just don't know what to tell her to do!" I look over to see what she's working on so that I know what we're talking about. Sure enough, she's half way through her business email.
"What are you talking about?"
"I don't know what to tell her about this boy!"
She had spent almost five minutes typing an email regarding a business matter, all the while contemplating what her friend should do regarding this issue. Was this matter deep? No, not necessarily... Emotional? I don't think so... Romantic? Yep! That's the one.
That's one first hand example. Any more? Any thoughts?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
That 70's Show
This morning I was carrying out my normal morning routine when I heard a rather humorous, but painfully true, dialogue. I woke up, prepared some breakfast, and sat down in front of the television. I usually watch Saved By The Bell, but this morning I flipped to That 70's Show. Ashton Kutcher's character never ceases to entertain me, but I’m also fascinated by Eric Forman's dad... RED.
Red is a hardass Vietnam veteran that comes down on everyone. He's very dry, has a short temper, is not easily amused, and is likely to "put his foot up your ass" for any number of reasons. He fancies himself a "man's man" and is always disappointed when his son fails to live up to his expectations of how a man should be. Maybe you know someone like this. I'm not sure I do. Either way, his character is an exaggerated example of a masculine father figure -- what a real man looks like.
But I digress... This blog isn't about analyzing TV sitcom characters. It's about observing relationships and communication between people, and getting to the root of differences between men and women, and specifically how they perceive the world around them. These differences can cause a huge break in communication when not understood.
In this particular 8th season episode, when the plaster clown is stolen from the drive thru of the local burger joint (Fatso Burger), Foreman's mom, Kitty, reflects on the significance of the clown as a landmark of their small town. She explains that the clown had been a symbol.
She recalls to Red, "don't you remember when we would sit at Fatso Burger and dream about our future?"
Red's response: "And I thought we were just eating burgers... Women are always doing something else."
While the dialogue in this scene reinforces Red's lack of emotion and careless nature, I feel the statement makes a good point. I'll break down exactly what I believe this point to be at some time in the future, but I'm curious to hear from others on the statement "women are always doing something else."
Women, how many times a day are you thinking about one thing, while doing something completely unrelated? Of those moments, how often are your thoughts focused on something deeper, more emotional, or romantic than the task at hand?
Men, same question.
Red is a hardass Vietnam veteran that comes down on everyone. He's very dry, has a short temper, is not easily amused, and is likely to "put his foot up your ass" for any number of reasons. He fancies himself a "man's man" and is always disappointed when his son fails to live up to his expectations of how a man should be. Maybe you know someone like this. I'm not sure I do. Either way, his character is an exaggerated example of a masculine father figure -- what a real man looks like.
But I digress... This blog isn't about analyzing TV sitcom characters. It's about observing relationships and communication between people, and getting to the root of differences between men and women, and specifically how they perceive the world around them. These differences can cause a huge break in communication when not understood.
In this particular 8th season episode, when the plaster clown is stolen from the drive thru of the local burger joint (Fatso Burger), Foreman's mom, Kitty, reflects on the significance of the clown as a landmark of their small town. She explains that the clown had been a symbol.
She recalls to Red, "don't you remember when we would sit at Fatso Burger and dream about our future?"
Red's response: "And I thought we were just eating burgers... Women are always doing something else."
While the dialogue in this scene reinforces Red's lack of emotion and careless nature, I feel the statement makes a good point. I'll break down exactly what I believe this point to be at some time in the future, but I'm curious to hear from others on the statement "women are always doing something else."
Women, how many times a day are you thinking about one thing, while doing something completely unrelated? Of those moments, how often are your thoughts focused on something deeper, more emotional, or romantic than the task at hand?
Men, same question.
Please send me your thoughts. Ask your friends the same question. Shoot me an email. Consider this a private discussion between me and you. I'll never share your thoughts without your consent. But the more ideas you share, the more I have to write about. I look forward to hearing from you!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Starting Things Off...
A couple days ago I felt moved to change my Facebook status. I typed, "John wants to write a book." Then, after getting two thumbs up, I thought I'd be a little more specific: "John wants to write a book on relationships and communication." I've felt this way for some time and collected mental notes over the last few years. It's time I start seriously thinking about this book.
All my life, I've been intrigued by how people relate with each other. As a kid, I found myself observing my friends interact to gain insight into the world around me. I preferred learning from other people's mistakes before I made my own. I've learned a lot and gained a lot of personal experience. I've learned how to do and say things on my own, making decisions without any knowledge of what the outcome may be. But I've learned to be cautious.
Why be cautious? Because the hardest thing in life to do is communicate. We do it every day, yet it seems most people still have trouble with it. It's one of the first things we learn to do when we're born. Hungry? Try crying. Hey, look at that! You're getting fed... As we grow, we learn there are different ways to convey what we are thinking. If you're into fine arts, you may learn how to communicate with colors, or sound, or movement. There's verbal and non-verbal communication, but what I'm most interested in is verbal. There are so many words in the English language. It can be so descriptive, yet so constricting at the same time. Sometimes you just can't come up with the right words to use. And sometimes we use words the wrong way.
Getting back to my Facebook status. Though I have my fair share of experience in relationships, I've gained most of my knowledge as a friend: a third party interpreter, mediator, and observer of numerous relationship issues and failures. These relationship issues, with the exception of a few, were all due to a failure in communication.
In this blog I would like to share examples of how quickly communication can become MIScommunication. I'll share my thoughts on how to avoid these situations. But I invite questions, personal experiences of success and failure, and thoughts on the subject of communication. Feel free to email me! If you I can, I'll address your email (without including names). This will serve as research for my book and a way to start collecting my thoughts.
I hope you're as excited about this process as I am!
All my life, I've been intrigued by how people relate with each other. As a kid, I found myself observing my friends interact to gain insight into the world around me. I preferred learning from other people's mistakes before I made my own. I've learned a lot and gained a lot of personal experience. I've learned how to do and say things on my own, making decisions without any knowledge of what the outcome may be. But I've learned to be cautious.
Why be cautious? Because the hardest thing in life to do is communicate. We do it every day, yet it seems most people still have trouble with it. It's one of the first things we learn to do when we're born. Hungry? Try crying. Hey, look at that! You're getting fed... As we grow, we learn there are different ways to convey what we are thinking. If you're into fine arts, you may learn how to communicate with colors, or sound, or movement. There's verbal and non-verbal communication, but what I'm most interested in is verbal. There are so many words in the English language. It can be so descriptive, yet so constricting at the same time. Sometimes you just can't come up with the right words to use. And sometimes we use words the wrong way.
Getting back to my Facebook status. Though I have my fair share of experience in relationships, I've gained most of my knowledge as a friend: a third party interpreter, mediator, and observer of numerous relationship issues and failures. These relationship issues, with the exception of a few, were all due to a failure in communication.
In this blog I would like to share examples of how quickly communication can become MIScommunication. I'll share my thoughts on how to avoid these situations. But I invite questions, personal experiences of success and failure, and thoughts on the subject of communication. Feel free to email me! If you I can, I'll address your email (without including names). This will serve as research for my book and a way to start collecting my thoughts.
I hope you're as excited about this process as I am!
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